There are many new Mums in my life at the moment. People I love and want to support. I want to share with them and all the postnatal Mummas out there who may be struggling, a Blog entry that I wrote (before I even had a blog), when I was in the thick of it with bubba number two and suffering PND (which many people did not know).

I hope that it brings you some comfort in knowing that you are not alone, many woman have walked your path and I assure you there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am a different woman after becoming a Mother, I made it through the hard times, I am happy and healthy and reflect on that time as a challenging but important part of my journey. I know one day you will too. xx

Sep, 14, 2016

Last week I cried... (often) even twice in public, as I was overwhelmed and doubted my ability as a Mumma. 
I have always been a confident Mother. It did help however that my first born baby girl Kardia was an ABSOLUTE DREAM CHILD (as everyone kept telling me!) 
It's true, she was a really easy baby (still hard work, the usual lack of sleep, cracked nipples, crazy hormones kinda stuff but manageable). A part of me thought she was calm because she had a calm, easy going and confident Mum.
This is still possibly true but it's hard to know what comes first.
It's EASY to be a calm confident mother if you don't have a screaming baby keeping you up ALL NIGHT, raising you stress hormones and keeping you guessing as well as a toddler pushing your buttons. So what does come first? Is it the typical chicken and egg scenario?

During my first pregnancy, I practiced my "Calm Birth" meditation most days and was WELL prepared and excited about embarking on motherhood.
When my daughter was born, she fed, slept, fed, slept, fed, burped and slept some more. She was a normal bubba but with no over the top demands which left me with a reasonable amount of time to get active, be social and keep my house clean. I felt very "IN CONTROL" (two words I could write a whole other blog post about!) However, although it wasn't ALWAYS smooth sailing, most of the time compared to other Mums stories about their screaming unsettled babies, I thought our baby girl treated us pretty well. Thanks Kardi

I LOVED breast feeding and all the things that went with "new motherhood". My daughter fell into a regular 4hour feeding rhythm which made things very manageable and 
I was sure that I was just "born to be a Mum". A real "natural parent".  Now before you vomit, let me tell you about my second baby. Mac.

So when little Mac came along, he really stirred the pot. 
Firstly I didn't have the luxury of time whilst pregnant to do my “daily meditation” what the? ( although I still gave it a good go). Secondly, I was anxious about the arrival of our number two child, mainly because EVERYONE was telling me how I probably wouldn't be so lucky to have TWO easy babies. Thirdly I was concerned about how Kardia was going to cope with a baby in the family and how I was ever going to have enough time to give them BOTH what they needed. How could I stretch my self and my love even thinner?

So to be honest I feel like I already started off on the back foot. Lacking the confidence I had with my first pregnancy from the very beginning, before Mac was even born. As it turns out, our little Mackie has been hard work. An extremely fussy and demanding feeder with no routine at all, who screams (in pain?? I’m not even sure) for hours at a time, leaving my husband and I taking it in turns walking him around our two bedroom unit in the baby carrier or in our arms for hours on end. We don’t know what to do or how long we can cope. It is starting to wear my confidence down, and strip away the "calm mum" badge of honour that I once wore.

So it's back to the same old question. 
What comes first the chicken or the egg?
Does my self doubt and anxiety cause my little Mackie to be unsettled and my toddler to cry and act out or does my unsettled little Mackie and crying toddler cause my self doubt and anxiety?

Perhaps, it's a bit of both, perhaps I will never know, however it's time to RESET. I am mindful of my feelings, hormones and lack of sleep and understand it's a normal part of being a Mum. I am sure I'm not the only mummy out there who gets anxious juggling a crying newborn and a re-adjusting toddler. I am seeking help and those around me can now be supportive and understanding.

I believe as women we have it in us to cope with whatever is thrown our way! I am now more empathetic to other Mummies who are doing it tough, whatever their situation and 
I no-longer take for granted the easy days! I know that over time, it gets easier and we are already having some easier days. The first weeks and months can be hard. Really hard. There is NO denying that.

So anyone out there who is doubting their ability as a Mummy. I say.... It's all part of your journey. I believe we grow as woman and Mothers when we are being challenged.

If you feel you’re not coping don’t hesitate in seeking help from others. Rely on your support networks. Also remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hang in there, YOUR NOT ALONE

rachelle xx

Rachelle MunroComment